Sometimes the ER smells like a pig pen. Literally. Shit is running off of carts and on to the floor.
Speaking of poop, why does anyone ever come into the ER with constipation? ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS OF THE US:
*****CONSTIPATION IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. I REPEAT. CONSTIPATION IS NOT AN EMERGENCY. THAT IS ALL. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.*****
If you come into the ER with constipation, you will be viewed as the frickin' idiot that you are. I don't care if you are 102, the fact that you haven't had a bowel movement in 3 days is not an emergency. While we're at it, why is it that old people are obsessed with having bowel movements? Its like if they don't have a daily poop, its a crisis...
By the way, I don't believe you when you say you haven't crapped in 2 weeks. Don't believe you. Sorry. You wouldn't be able to eat, drink. Go home.
Attention all ER docs: IF YOU ORDER AN ENEMA, ESPESCIALLY A TAP WATER ENEMA, YOU WILL BECOME A HATED FIGURE. THAT IS ALL. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
When I see a constipation coming my way, I run for the med room, staff lounge, bathroom, pop machine, develop a sudden interest in my patients personal life.
Don't come to the ER for constipation. The ER staff will hate you. And while I am at it, don't bring in granny or grandpa either. Have you ever tried to give an enema to an 85 year old? Its a recipe for diaster for all concerned. Now we hate you and your whole family.
